Pattern-Weld
Dreamcatcher Laboratories, CoV
((Trigger Warning: Suicide))
It was a long day of work for Nickoli Vandask. He had spent his day dancing, travelling, training, and believe it or not relaxing which was one of the hardest parts for him. After a long time of thinking, contemplating on the day he had, he knew what he had to do.
It was an early evening that summer at Dreamcatcher, a medium sized facility located next to Reykmur, a large volcanic mountain near Reykjavik in Iceland. Nick packed himself up properly before going out on a hike. "Be back in a few hours Gordon." He told his older coworker before leaving.
"Make sure you come back this time, instead of running off with that girl of yours again!" He grunted as Nick walked out.
As Nick hiked, he thought about his day. He told someone that he loved them yesterday. That he would dedicate his life to them. Was he really ready for that? He wasn't sure.
Green and brown grass crunched underfoot as he trekked out into the open plain, sky in just about every direction he could see, besides the mountain of course. Quiet, but not too quiet. The cool Icelandic wind always there to remind him, gently feeling it's way across his skin.
Finally, he made it. Some burnt out rubble littering the ground, a large scorch mark on the plain. And in the middle, a lone tombstone sat. The breeze whistling against it as it went past. In Memoriam of Salem Vandask and Dellen Umbren.
"Hey guys....It sure has been a while since we have talked hasn't it?" Nick asked quietly to the cold, uncaring pillar, the wind blocking out his voice from carrying much at all. "Seems like it's been forever." He kicked a stone from the rubble, keeping his head down and away from it.
"I was told it might be good to get some closure on this...thing. Whatever that is. I finally took the Council up on speaking to that therapist...can you believe that? Me at therapy." He turned his head to them, a sad smile on his face. "Said it might be good to get this all out. Honest to god I don't think I would have done it on my own...Theres this girl I met. I don't want this hanging on me when I am with her. I want to be happy. Normal with them..." He turned his face away.
"At first, when you left me....I was horrible. A disaster. I drank myself into comas every day. What your employers did Uncle....it didn't help..." He wiped his face a bit. Nobody was watching, but he still didn't want to cry. Not in front of his Uncle and Dellen. "They took me you know. The day that you died. They didn't tell me anything. Not until they had me properly "trained"." Nicks fist clenched. "I didn't even have enough time after I got out to go see Dellen before he was gone...."
"Or maybe I did and was just too busy drinking...." He said, despising himself thinking about it. "I didn't get to say goodbye to either of you....and I am sorry for that. Maybe I can make it right now.....but I....I also blamed you. Why did you both leave me? How could you!?" He picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could, skipping over the rubble and landing in the distant grass.
"I....I know it wasn't your fault but still...I felt so betrayed. I still feel a little betrayed if I am being honest Uncle. In some ways you got Dellen killed. You know they couldn't even get his body back after what the filth did to him!" He shouted at the inanimate name. "In some ways....it was you who did all of this!" He motioned to the desolate patch of unlife around him. "And you didn't even stick around to try and fix any of it....you just ran away....tried to end all of it....and just made things worse."
His voice quieted down."But you also raised me. You gave me, us, the best childhood any kid could dream of. And I still love you for that." He turned back to the lone obelisk. "I know you did it for everyones good....that there was no cure. It still hurt though. I was so lost, and everyone I knew left me. I barely even talk to Gwen anymore....and I don't know why." There was a long silence after that, just Nick, the wind, and the gentle rustling of the grass.
"Eventually...after a lot of blank, meaningless, drunk until I couldn't feel days and nights the drinking stopped....that was after...you came back. But the pain was still there. I just didn't have the time for it. I was too focused on putting you to rest for good. The way the filth was puppeting you around....I couldn't deal with it. Now that you are gone for good though.....I don't know what I do with the pain. I guess I just hide it behind a smile, try to stay positive, and bury myself in my work." He stepped close to marble reminder, looking at his feet, a sardonic laugh on his face. "Just like the old man I guess. Never realized how good you were at hiding things until the few months leading up to your death." He reached a hand out to lean on the frigid headstone.
"I told her I love her you know...." he whispered out, that angry smile turning into something genuine. "And that's why.....that's why I am doing this. I don't want my smiles to be fake anymore. I want to be happy. She makes me happy....and I can't make her happy if this is always resting on my mind."
He looked up, finally focusing his eyes on the words of the grave. "I forgive you Salem. I miss you Dellen. I love you both. I will try to talk to you more often ok? Don't go anywhere." He gave a very sad, very happy smile, before finally trekking back through the quiet, open hills.
It was a long day of work for Nickoli Vandask. He had spent his day dancing, travelling, training, and believe it or not relaxing which was one of the hardest parts for him. After a long time of thinking, contemplating on the day he had, he knew what he had to do.
It was an early evening that summer at Dreamcatcher, a medium sized facility located next to Reykmur, a large volcanic mountain near Reykjavik in Iceland. Nick packed himself up properly before going out on a hike. "Be back in a few hours Gordon." He told his older coworker before leaving.
"Make sure you come back this time, instead of running off with that girl of yours again!" He grunted as Nick walked out.
As Nick hiked, he thought about his day. He told someone that he loved them yesterday. That he would dedicate his life to them. Was he really ready for that? He wasn't sure.
Green and brown grass crunched underfoot as he trekked out into the open plain, sky in just about every direction he could see, besides the mountain of course. Quiet, but not too quiet. The cool Icelandic wind always there to remind him, gently feeling it's way across his skin.
Finally, he made it. Some burnt out rubble littering the ground, a large scorch mark on the plain. And in the middle, a lone tombstone sat. The breeze whistling against it as it went past. In Memoriam of Salem Vandask and Dellen Umbren.
"Hey guys....It sure has been a while since we have talked hasn't it?" Nick asked quietly to the cold, uncaring pillar, the wind blocking out his voice from carrying much at all. "Seems like it's been forever." He kicked a stone from the rubble, keeping his head down and away from it.
"I was told it might be good to get some closure on this...thing. Whatever that is. I finally took the Council up on speaking to that therapist...can you believe that? Me at therapy." He turned his head to them, a sad smile on his face. "Said it might be good to get this all out. Honest to god I don't think I would have done it on my own...Theres this girl I met. I don't want this hanging on me when I am with her. I want to be happy. Normal with them..." He turned his face away.
"At first, when you left me....I was horrible. A disaster. I drank myself into comas every day. What your employers did Uncle....it didn't help..." He wiped his face a bit. Nobody was watching, but he still didn't want to cry. Not in front of his Uncle and Dellen. "They took me you know. The day that you died. They didn't tell me anything. Not until they had me properly "trained"." Nicks fist clenched. "I didn't even have enough time after I got out to go see Dellen before he was gone...."
"Or maybe I did and was just too busy drinking...." He said, despising himself thinking about it. "I didn't get to say goodbye to either of you....and I am sorry for that. Maybe I can make it right now.....but I....I also blamed you. Why did you both leave me? How could you!?" He picked up a rock and threw it as hard as he could, skipping over the rubble and landing in the distant grass.
"I....I know it wasn't your fault but still...I felt so betrayed. I still feel a little betrayed if I am being honest Uncle. In some ways you got Dellen killed. You know they couldn't even get his body back after what the filth did to him!" He shouted at the inanimate name. "In some ways....it was you who did all of this!" He motioned to the desolate patch of unlife around him. "And you didn't even stick around to try and fix any of it....you just ran away....tried to end all of it....and just made things worse."
His voice quieted down."But you also raised me. You gave me, us, the best childhood any kid could dream of. And I still love you for that." He turned back to the lone obelisk. "I know you did it for everyones good....that there was no cure. It still hurt though. I was so lost, and everyone I knew left me. I barely even talk to Gwen anymore....and I don't know why." There was a long silence after that, just Nick, the wind, and the gentle rustling of the grass.
"Eventually...after a lot of blank, meaningless, drunk until I couldn't feel days and nights the drinking stopped....that was after...you came back. But the pain was still there. I just didn't have the time for it. I was too focused on putting you to rest for good. The way the filth was puppeting you around....I couldn't deal with it. Now that you are gone for good though.....I don't know what I do with the pain. I guess I just hide it behind a smile, try to stay positive, and bury myself in my work." He stepped close to marble reminder, looking at his feet, a sardonic laugh on his face. "Just like the old man I guess. Never realized how good you were at hiding things until the few months leading up to your death." He reached a hand out to lean on the frigid headstone.
"I told her I love her you know...." he whispered out, that angry smile turning into something genuine. "And that's why.....that's why I am doing this. I don't want my smiles to be fake anymore. I want to be happy. She makes me happy....and I can't make her happy if this is always resting on my mind."
He looked up, finally focusing his eyes on the words of the grave. "I forgive you Salem. I miss you Dellen. I love you both. I will try to talk to you more often ok? Don't go anywhere." He gave a very sad, very happy smile, before finally trekking back through the quiet, open hills.
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