A Broken Mind

[Collapsible Myth]

((Wrote this a long time ago, just over a year ago. Story of an old character that I have been carting around for years in various incarnations and such. Have edited to fit within The Secret World setting and to line up with the current version.))

"Tell me from the beginning how these events changed the course of your life."

I didn't want to tell him anything, it had already been three months since they found me. "Why do I have to tell you anything, you already know what you did to me."

The man only stared back at me, the floor light behind him throwing long shadows encasing his face in a dark mask. "Well, we actually don't know much about you Hiromi and your condition. We just want to help you become...better."

I laughed at the last part of what he said, better, these people destroyed my life and I didn't owe them a damn thing. "Can I at least get a smoke and these restraints off?"

Waiting for his nodding approval the orderly left the room "Of course, now you have to promise you won't do anything that may be detrimental, unlike last time." He had to bring that up, again. "I understand."

The orderly returned with a unopened pack of cigarettes and a lighter, he removed the large restraints from my wrists, the cool air caressing the skin. I started to pack them the doctor asked me again "Hiromi, lets begin shall we..."

The car smelt like someone had left their dead cat in the trunk to rot over the summer mixed with a hint of vanilla. It was just another day like the rest, the trip boring to say the least, Miss Garieth attempting to strike up a conversation about how this next destination will be much better than the last. Parents don't want a kid that is a psychotic nutcase.

I lost count on how many places that I've been in, they were all the same, since becoming a burden upon society and my parents, they felt it was for the best that I be shoved off onto the train of endless rehabilitation homes. Some of the places the state would stick me in where the ultra religious castles of doom, those places creeped me out. A bunch of nuns shoving peace and love down our throats with rulers and the fist of god. I laugh to this day that I, lowly me, made a nun curse me out.

Leaning back against the very uncomfortable seat looking out as we turned into a long tree lined drive, I struggled to read the sign. "I didn't get to see the sign, what's this place called?" Miss Garieth's answer was short and to the point. "Donavon House" I shot her a stare that if it could would stop someone's heart.

Staring up at the trees it seemed we were driving through a green tunnel broken only in spots in which you could see the grey overcast sky making the rest of the already dreadful experience even more lovely. Passing through what use to be a gate was now a rusting former shell of what it use to be, supported by a tall brick wall that went off into the dark woods on either side.

The place was enormous, there was a very large mansion it seemed like directly in front of us with slightly smaller buildings on both sides. I was amazed by the awe of the place, something like this I would have never expected.

There were several people in the open area doing different activities, some where chasing a large red ball in what I could only guess was their version of kick ball. There were two people trying to climb a tree without much success. "This place has some really weird neighbors, they look like a bunch of nut jobs out there." I still remember the curt chuckle that preceded her response. "Oh no dear these people aren't neighbors, their the other patients."

Some people say that when stark realization smacks you in the face that it feels like a 6 ton hammer caving in your skull. "Patients..." here comes the hammer now "This is a nut house...your bringing me to a fucking nuthouse".

Frantically I tried to open the door, damn child proof locks. Looking back on that moment I probably, no, I know I looked that I belonged there, screaming, kicking at anything and everything I was stark raving mad. I know I tried to bite at Miss Garieth but in my state I had forgot to undo the seat belt

The chill of the air swept into the car washing me with it's biting cold as the door was swung open. A large hand wrapped around my chin and neck, the rough callused skin of his hand scratching my face. "Get her sedated and inside, we don't want to disturb the other patients" I'm sorry you don't want the nutters outside to go crazy because of a screaming kid that shouldn't be here "quickly nurse."

There was two of the largest men I had seen in my short life, they were dragging me out of the car. Remembering as the mouth gag was forcibly shoved into my mouth, it tasted like old leather god knows if they even washed it after using it on other people.

Screams and grunts was all I was reduced to producing as a I struggled against the two orderlies thinking to myself of the most horrific ways I wanted to kill them all. I never felt the pinch of the needle sliding into my neck, only the freezing cold of the sedative flowing into my body. I was lifted up by my arms and legs in what could only be called unladylike fashion.

Somehow one of my shoes had come off, watching it lay there on the ground there was just another piece of myself being left behind. I never noticed where she had come from only that she had picked up my shoe. Her hair was pulled up into pigtails high on her head, her hair was jet-black as mine was, her clothes unusual from the rest of the people I had seen outside. The dress was a dark grey flowing down to her knees covering the tops of the loose fitting socks she wore that peeked out over the brown dirty shoes on her feet. I couldn't get a look at her face as she waved as if she was trying to get the attention of a friend or parent, the sounds of her giggling echoed in the halls as the vial of drugged darkness caressed my head.

 

[Collapsible Myth]

"You were uncooperative when you were admitted into the system Hiromi" taking a long pull of the cigarette, feeling the tendrils of the smoke cover every inch of my lungs before exhaling it out. "I was fourteen and was deemed a lost cause by the very people like yourself" stubbing the cigarette out in the ashtray on the table, burying it under the others.

The itch was always there dead nerve endings, phantom sensations, that was what people called it I just called it annoying. Tracing my finger across my cheek scratching along one of the lines of scars. "Do you still have your nightmares" shaking my head I didn't want to tell them about how every night before them capturing me I would see the pigtailed woman, her giggling and laughing chilling me. "Are they of the night of the assault" feeling his gaze at my face, judging me from the scars crisscrossing my face "No." His slight head tilt signaled to me that he didn't believe me "Do you want to talk about it?" Taking out another cigarette, no was all I replied as I lit it. "And why not Hiromi" the swirling smoke highlighting my face in the light "I have to pee."

After years of being locked up in the asylum and orderlies constantly watching you go to the bathroom would make you immune to it, I always had an watcher with me when I would go out to the yard or any where else within the facility besides my room.

"You know you must have ticked someone off to be watching me piss" trying to goad her into saying something, she was a new one since my last stay "they must be relaxing the weight requirements here too, Jesus you've got to be the fattest one here" nothing, no reaction, she was good. Finishing up I stood up, the usual clothes of the patients was the same for everyone whether male or female. White scrub top, with loose fitting bottoms. As the orderly put the handcuffs back onto my wrists threading the connecting chain to the leg shackles cutting into my ankles. "A little tight don't you think" again no response from her, I must be losing my touch.

Our walk back to the interview room was uneventful, just as it has been for the past several weeks. The clinking sound of the chains hitting each other echoing off of the grey sanitized walls of the long hallway, guards dressed in their pressed white suits sitting at the end where the large iron bar walls separated us nuts from the outside world. "Feel better Hiromi" the doctor asked still sitting in the chair, As the orderly removed the handcuffs and leg shackles I went over to my chair. Taking another cigarette from the pack. "You were going over the events of your assault" I closed my eyes as the nicotine worked it's magic "no, you ask me about my nightmares then proceeded to think it was about that night" opening my eyes again while making smoke rings into the air "alright, then, please continue"

I had resigned to the fact that I would spend the rest of my life in this place, I did try for several months in finding ways to escape. Taking approaches from plain rushing out of the ward, taking down a guard in the process to the extreme of planning out an escape. Each one ending in failure, the bruises and broken bones healed from the beatings but it never deterred my resolve in finding a way out. They thought that a way to calm me down was to force me into drug therapy.

The pills were various as the doctors tried to find that magical concoction that will take this fourteen year old animal into a drooling shell of a human, sometimes I would have a bad trip from the drugs. I knew they were putting some illegal stuff into the mix as I would enjoy myself restrained in bed as the walls pulsated, moving through every color in the rainbow. At times things weren't so peaceful in fact were quite opposite, it's amazing what the human mind will produce under the influence of many different drugs. Long screaming sleepless nights.

The other patients ranged in age from my age all the way to one guy that seemed to be in his eighties, friends in a place such as this was non-existent. The first time I had met Carlos, I was happily in a full on drool session in front of the large window of the rec room overlooking the grounds below "hey..hey, why do you want...want to get out of..here so bad." His stammering at times drove me crazy but he was one of the normal ones besides myself in this place, "because I am going to fucking lose my god damn mind in here" I knew I had already being hearing and seeing things during my time here but I had to keep telling myself that it was the drugs. "Right and I'm....I'm here for holiday...too, they think we're....nuts but me..and you know...it's not true"

Carlos was a just as pale as I was since we all didn't spend any time outside, not like there was a difference for it being overcast every time I looked "Listen I will get out of here if I have to kill someone to do it" As I talked with Carlos I couldn't help notice the pigtailed girl off in the corner, rocking back and forth. Staring at her she wore the same clothes when I first saw her outside the entrance when I arrived to this hell hole. "Who is that" as I pointed to the corner, Carlos looked over "I don't see...anyone besides Tanker...and Tiny" Shaking my head "never mind"

 

[Collapsible Myth]

I had been moved to the higher security wing after several incidents, it had been just under a year since arriving. This night they told me they were going to putting another person in my room, hoping that the person was as normal can be.

Hearing the footsteps of the approaching orderly overshadowed the softer ones of my possible room mate. The loud clank of the electric lock opening deafening in my room. The door swung out as an orderly stood there with the pigtailed girl, shackles and handcuffs weighing her arms down. The orderly pushed the girl inside "your room mate is here, don't kill each other" he said removing the restraints.

We stared at each other for what seemed like minutes "Listen I have this bed you have the other, you stay on your side and I'll stay on mine" The girl walked over to the other bed pressing on the firm mattress "I like you, we are going to be good friends" the girls voice was soft to the ears "Did you know that this place was built during a carnival that was about 300 miles away in another city."

Great they stick my with a complete nut "Alright sure, whatever you say." Pulling the sheet up I tried to sleep knowing that it'll be a long night "Pooky...pooky come here, say hello to our new friend" looking over the girl was staring intently at me through the eye holes of the disturbing mask she wore, holding her hands up where there was nothing in her palms.

"Hiromi you seem to be diverting away from the issue we would like to discuss" I wasn't trying to be coy in answering or telling him about the night, it just flowed that way. "Well let's continue then."

The day was just like any of the others that had blended together over the year. I had recently had my fifteenth birthday locked up in solitary for trying to incite a disturbance. Something about how the patients becoming riled up during daily rec time, who knows.

There had been several of the patients that had just recently arrived from another asylum that were rumored to be highly unstable. Out of the few there were two new patients that had been violent to Tiny who in his own right could probably handle things on his own, they put him into intensive care which brought the both of the two new patients to be confined to solitary for a month. After they were taken out their next target was Carlos. I had grown to like him, in is own awkward way.

It was overcast as usual, Carlos had been walking his route in the rec room as he does everyday. Now these two had cornered him and I couldn't do anything to help, I was motionless, without warning Absurd Farce had jumped onto the back of one of them.

My room mate had told me that she called herself Absurd Farce, it seemed fitting to her with the mask she had always worn and the general look of her. Now there she was hanging onto the back of the angry violent patient her screams of primal energy probably could be heard through out the facility. She was scratching and biting at his head and neck. The other patients in the room had began to run around screaming in their different ways. I never saw what happened for at that time a large hand had grabbed my neck from behind as a orderly roughly threw a hood over my head.

I don't know why they threw me into solitary I wasn't doing anything. This was the third time in a month I was in here. Sitting in the dark on the hard cold floor I tried to breath through my mouth as to not smell the stench of old urine and mold. I thought I would have gotten use to the smell for all the times had spent in this room "Pooky is sorry for the confetti mess"

Listening to her speak was maddening at times "Those toe tags need to be corrected, we can have a party, they can bring the confetti and pooky has the toads" I never understood why she had chosen me to annoy "I don't want to talk to you, your the reason I'm in here I was just minding my own business."

As I tried to ignore her she squatted over the drain in the middle of the floor "you like that don't you, you love the confetti too" she talked while urinating "The toads and the toe tags are friends we can show them the record of the toad, if you want, I know you do, yes, yes you do" I had learned some of the gibberish she spouted in what she meant

"Yeah, those two need to be taken care of" the click of the door locks being turned as the door opened, bathing us in the bright light of the hallway, I shielded my eyes while Farce simply waved excitedly still squatting over the drain to the orderly "take a number toad"

 

[Collapsible Myth]

The storm was strong, winds whipping the forest on the perimeter into a sea of leaves and branches, lightening piercing the night sky illuminating the darkened halls with strobing light. The noise of the other patients yelling and screaming behind the doors of their rooms brought the guards and orderlies into a hurried frenzy, shouting to each other and to the few escaped patients.

"Come on the sun is shinning lets go" Farce pushed at our door as it swung freely open. I didn't want to leave the comfort of the room not knowing what was going on out there. She was dancing in the middle of the hallway "Farce get back inside" I stood just outside the door, looking up and down the hallway.

The scream cut through my thoughts almost stopping my heart as I saw down the hall as the two violent patients had seen us, revenge glowed in their eyes with murderous intent "shit" I grabbed her arm as we ran, hoping to find somewhere where to hide.

The asylum had been over run when the power went out, no lights, no emergency lighting, nothing just the lightening flashing outside gave us clues as to where we were running. They were fast and we had misjudged them, ducking into the cafeteria our bare feet slapping against the floor echoing loudly. I didn't dare look back to see if they were behind us as the primal fear pumping enough adrenaline into me to last a lifetime. I slipped on a wet spot on the floor, the pain so intense as I landed on my back I had briefly lost consciousness.

I was still holding her hand when I had come to staring up at the grinning faces of the two men that were chasing us "Tim we're going to have a party" Farce stood there looking between them "Cake."

Some people would say they go to a different place when something horrible is done to them, I wasn't given that choice. One of them grabbed my hair lifting me up "We're gonna teach ya bout pain you little whore, gonna cut you up and eat you" screaming as I kicked at him with no effect.

I never felt so helpless at that moment when he tossed me into the serving area, crashing into the glass protector. The searing pain as shards of glass slicing me open "bleed like a little bitch, that's right bleed" his hand covering my face "I'm going to make you pretty without your mask"

I don't know if he was confused or so fucked up in the head he mistook me for Absurd only that I thought he had ripped my face off as he leaned in very close to me, his hot stinking breath washing over me. His hold around my neck was tight enough to make me gasp for air but not so to make me pass out. Staring into his eyes, he had no emotions within.

I didn't feel the first cut as only the sensation of a warm liquid running into my ear. The second cut was when I realized what he was doing as searing hot pain shot through my head "you are so pretty" I couldn't cry out as he hacked the flesh of my face, I felt each slice as the piece of glass he held cut cleanly through my skin. "Don't cry let's put a smile on your face" frantically I tried pushing him off me, hitting him with everything I could but nothing helped me when the glass shard opened my cheek. I could feel the tip of the glass shard bounce off a few of my teeth. My face was burning as I could only imagine the horror that I was, he opened my other cheek in the same manner. Letting go of me I slid off of the counter onto the floor with a sickening wet slap "Now you look like a clown, lets have some real fun"

I felt his hands grab my waist, I knew what he meant by real fun and I would die before he would get his rocks off. Looking around on the floor for anything, then I saw it, the plastic tray must have been broken when I was thrown on the counter.

Quickly grabbing it as he tried to rip off my pants I spun around using the broken tray as a large knife. It cut his head several inches knocking him to the side, struggling to my feet I couldn't help but giggle, something inside of me found it very amusing "keep laughing clown bitch, I'm going to give you.." I didn't let him finish as I had leapt at him driving the tray into his throat. His blood spurting over my chest soaking my shirt to the skin, I couldn't stop giggling and laughing "confetti" was all I could say as his flow of blood stopped.

"Did you feel any remorse for killing him" I looking at the doctor "why, I didn't kill him Farce did, if it wasn't for her we both could be dead." He jotted some notes into the pad he held "and do you see her now" laughing at him in the
ridicules nature of his prodding "listen to yourself you caught me in my hotel room, she's probably out hanging around Central Park somewhere" leaning forward lighting another cigarette "if she hadn't killed that other fucker and the one that did this to me you wouldn't be having your little study"

There was the slight head tilt of his "Hiromi, there was only the one patient, and there is no record of a girl named Absurd Farce in the system during your stay with us." Taking a long drag on the cigarette "So you think I'm fucking nuts, she doesn't exist, your the one that's bat shit crazy. Everyone in this fucking place is crazy, I'm the only normal one here and if you keep me here any longer I'll lose my fucking mind"

I couldn't take it anymore, all of the tests, the constant tests had finally done enough in that I watched as Farce jumped onto the doctor knocking him to the ground "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts and so do he" she sang playing his chest like a drum giggling the whole time.

 

[Collapsible Myth]

The dull screams of the other patients echoing within her own cell. All of them screaming to be released or to proclaim their rights under some made up fantasy that rattled in their broken minds. "Do you really think you ever going to leave here." The orderlies meaty fist slammed into my cheek. The world flashed in a pure white light from the hit I could feel the warm blood coating my face as he continue to use my face to release his frustration.

Unable to shield myself as my hands and feet were bound in the heavy leather restraints "always causing shit you useless little fuck." The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, lips split open from one of the many hits. Gathering as much of the blood within my mouth as I looked to that bastard. My eyes were swollen, making my aim something hard to do as I spit at him sending a spray of blood and spit covering the orderlies face and most of his white shirt. The pure rage in his eyes enhanced the grin "little slut." slamming his steel toed boot onto my chest as the audible snap as three ribs broke under his foot. The pain shredding through me, could only scream with the harsh pain increasing the experience "David, that will be enough for now."

The tall man shrouded in his doctors coat said to the attacking orderly "We don't want to permanently damage her, do we." Breathing heavily, David backed up to lean against the far wall as he wiped the blood and spit from his face, glaring down to me restrained on the sparten bed "Have we learned our lesson tonight Hiromi?"

As the doctor settled onto the side of the bed, lifting my shirt to expose my naked body "The pain will subside but in the mean time I want you to think of what you did with every breath you take. Every moment is your teacher and your guide." His fingers pressing into the expanding redness on my skin, grazing softly over my breasts "Such a shame for a young beautiful woman to be destroyed by a rotten, diseased mind."

As he stood up, the movement sending another wave of pain throughout. He slowly pulled my shirt down "Remember that I control you, not your other personalities. The next time Absurd comes up, I won't be as forgiving in your punishment."

As they slammed the door behind them the flood of tears burst from my blacken, swollen eyes. Every sob accenting the pain from within my broken ribs. "Now, now my dear Hiromi. don't let him win over you. We're stronger than him. You can let me deal with the doctor in my own, fun way." I had turned my head away from the voice "I can't do this anymore Absurd, I want it to end" The slight shift in weight on the bed focused my attention back to the voice "I've protected you as much as I can, you have to let go. Let us play. It’s time that you use what I give you freely to stop the pain. Let us enjoy the feeling of his heart slowly beating its last as we hold it in our hand." The wave of peace and calmness slowly crept through me as I knew that what Absurd Farce told my was the right thing. I couldn't keep from softly sobbing "please help me get through this." I leaned into the touch of Absurd's hand "You are a strong girl, I will make us stronger." I felt the rough skin of my childhood protector brush against my cheek, the scars of Absurd's face comforting me "Sleep now and we will live."

Everything glowed with a heavenly sheen. The light appeared to surround everyone as I sat at one of the round tables within the rec room. "Man, they really doped us up today." Absurd was crouching next to me, the drugs effecting her as well "this new mixture is fucking great." she pressed a finger into my shoulder playfully "Come on, let’s have some fun. I know, we can mess with Klaus over there." she softly turned my head in the direction of the person she was focusing on.

Klaus was another patient in St, Claire’s who was diagnosed with an extreme case of OCD. Every morning he would go to the same table, always face south towards the large windows covered in quarter inch bars. He would assign the chess board directly four inches from the edge facing him and 27 inches on either side from the edges of the table. I never knew why someone like him would be locked into prison such as this. The rumor I had heard from the staff was that Klaus murdered his wife and her lover, catching them in the middle of the act. "Oh come on. We're drugged up with this good shit and you just want to sit there and do nothing. You know what, fuck this." I could feel my world shrink down to a pin point as Absurd took over "No, please no." I yelled, trapped in the recesses of my own mind.

Slowly sauntering over across the rec room. making sure to not arouse any suspicion from the orderlies that hovered at the edges of the room, Absurd Farce made her way towards the table Klaus was sitting at. I could only observe from my tiny point inside my mind "Why hello Klaus." Sitting in one of the empty seats across from him. She smiled, tapping her fingers on the table to a random beats. "So, did you choke her slowly to hear her struggle against you to try in draw that last breath or did you do it quick and messy with a knife?" Knowing her questions would get some sort of rise out of him "I like you to leave my presence please." his voice soft but determined "I did not kill anyone. I am innocent and I wish you to leave me alone."

Sighing loudly for anyone nearby to hear her "You know, I would've love to hear how you did it. Might call me one of your biggest fan. So, tell me when you walked into the bedroom and you she your wife getting bent over the bed by him. Did you get excited?" her grin spreading as she watched his face become red "Fuck, I would have loved to been there. Just to watch you work, getting me wet just thinking about it."

He launched himself at her. Throwing the table to the side in rage as he screamed, wrapping his hands around her throat. Both of them fell to the floor, Klaus straddling her, choking the life from Absurd. Her smile in stark contrast to her face as it she began to turn red. The loud thud of one the orderlies slamming into Klaus, knocking him off from her.

Coughing as she tried to breath, each breath a sharp jab to her throat. A large hand grabbed her arm lifting her to her feet "You never fucking learn Hiromi." Roughly pushing her over onto a nearby table. The Connect Four game flying off to the side as her head slammed into it, sending the chips flying in all directions. "Going to fuck me here, now?" her voice raspy as she burst out laughing as she felt the familiar pinch of the needle. The world began to swim as the drugs started to work its magic, swallowing her into its inky darkness.